Still riding the Raft of Medusa

Still riding the Raft of Medusa I come across another interesting quote by Gericault: “although obstacles and difficulties frighten mediocre men, they are the necessary food of genius.” ~from etude biographique et critique, Paris: Didier et Cie, 1868

My life has 2 driving forces: fear and joy. It took me awhile to figure it out, but fear and anxiety are synonymous. I discovered about a year and a half ago that I have what I self-diagnosed to be hereditary anxiety. That means I inherited the tendency to be afraid of damn near everything, probably attributable to both DNA and how I was raised. I’ve been trying to dismantle my anxiety issues every since discovering them, but I must say it’s been no easy task. I talked to friends who’ve been diagnosed, consulted family and other friends close to me, changed the way I take my birth control, prayed constantly, started taking medication, saw a free counselor through the university, switched medications, saw an actual psychologist for like 6 months, gave up, screwed up, and started again so many times… I’ve realized that anxiety is my cross to bear and finally accepted it’s not going to go away- it’ll get better, it’ll get worse. My challenge is to continually give it up to God, to refuse to be mediocre, and to be true my passions. Not that I think I’ll ever be a genius, but these are the things that will grow me as a person.